That Lonesome Road

Walk down that lonesome road

All by yourself

Don't turn your head back over your shoulder

And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon

Is shining high above the trees

I have realized over the past few months that we come to points in our lives when we must walk the lonely road where there is nowhere to turn but Heaven. All the things we have relied on to get us through the tough times in our lives, such as family, diversions, and casual study of the gospel are insufficient by themselves to heal our pain and sustain us through the changes that seem too hard to bear.

My change, the change of going on a mission and giving up my plan for the next two years of my life, included giving up someone I loved very much. I cried...a lot. The pain was almost physical in its intensity. There's still a place in my heart that hurts whenever I dwell on it too much. Let's just say I don't listen to the radio too much, because some of those songs hit a little close to home, you know?

Yeah.



It requires courage to take this road, because we are required to really put our faith to the test and step out into the dark that seems scary and uncertain. The way can seem long and horribly difficult. We find, however, that the toil is worth it because on this road we come to know God. We find that Jesus Christ has been walking with us every step of the way and that the Atonement sustains us from hour to hour and moment to moment.

These past few months have been some of the hardest of my life to this point. I've experienced some hard things in my nearly twenty-two years (including my mother's cancer), but this was the first time in my life, personally, that I have taken a flying leap of faith off a cliff and had to put my whole trust that God will take care of me. There have been some really low moments. Really low. But there have also been moments of exquisite peace and joy. I have never prayed so hard before. I have never searched the scriptures so thoroughly and applied them so personally to my life. I have never listened so hard for the Spirit, because I so desperately needed it to get me through the especially dark moments when I felt myself slipping back.

And the Lord has not only "gotten me through." He has raised me up and healed me and given me such peace that I wonder at times how I ever doubted. How easily I forget, and I still have moments of doubt and sadness--that's part of life. But I can be happy now because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ.

Savior, Redeemer of my soul

Whose mighty hand hath made me whole

Whose wondrous pow'r hath raised me up

And filled with sweet my bitter cup

What tongue my gratitude can tell?

O Gracious God of Israel.